Search This Blog

Monday, August 15, 2011

"The soul is healed by being with children."

Well it finally happened, something I have been dreading. My little cousin finally asked me where DB went. I knew this would come. I am glad it was later than expected. If she would have asked me a month ago I would have been a wreck so I am so glad a 4 years old concept of time is skewed so she didn’t realize he hasn’t been around in a long time.
The conversation went something like this.
“Is ‘DB’ going to go?”
“Lilly, ‘DB’ and I broke up.”
“Oh, what do you mean?”
“He broke my heart.”
“He was really mean to me. But don’t worry maybe I will find another sweeter boy.”
“Oh well, there are a lot of boys around here, some of them are strangers….” Then she was distracted by conversations on the tub that Santa was going to bring me.
I adore my little cousin. She is probably one of my top favorite people in the entire world. Although she brought up something that was a sore subject for me but in two seconds she made me laugh with her reactions. Kids can do that make you forget about all the pain you are in. 
That is probably why I love spending time with her so much. When you are around a 4 year old you do not think about how will you ever love again or all the hurt you are feeling inside. You are focused on what is going on right now, whether that is being a “girl-hunter” or an “Autumn fairy”. That is why when you are feeling down you should visit the nearest kid you know. You are sucked into their world of make believe and for the moment is much better than the reality you are living.

That is one thing that bugs me about the break up with DB, I rarely let a boyfriend meet my family. It takes a lot for me to let someone into that part of my life. It makes things easier, a clean break if things don’t last. I truly thought DB and I were going to last, he quickly became a part of my family after meeting them. Lilly would play with him, my other cousins would ask him for advice; my mom would get him things for no reason so in the end I wasn’t the only one who was attached to DB.
I am relieved Lilly wasn’t upset that DB wouldn’t be coming around anymore. I feel like Lilly gets it though, she understands how hard it is to let someone in and trust them. It took me what feels like forever to get the place that Lilly and I are at. She isn’t one of those kids who love strangers and will worship anyone she meets. You’ve got to earn her affection and trust and that is how I am when it comes to being in a relationship. I don’t open my heart for just anyone. I don’t jump from relationship to relationship. I over analyze my every move in the love game. It will probably be a long time before I trust again but for the mean time I will pass my time with the ones I love most, my family and best friends.


  1. i can't wait till you come play with james and syd. james gives good hugs. and if you get sad he'll probably bite you. i think its a sign of affection. and syd is fucking bad ass hilarious.

    oh, and by the way, lily is gorgeousssssss. and my grams still asks about vicky all the time.
    -angel of the morning

  2. Lily is like the coolest kid ever...and I'm glad I have a best friend like you!!
    --love forever and always. Riss <3